Dear parents and colleagues,
“Mirror, mirror, who is the fairest of them all?” I’m sure you all remember this famous line from Snow White, where the evil queen repeatedly asked this phrase to her magic mirror. There are many lessons from this tale, but the one I would like to address today is that of self-esteem.
Year 12 students laughed the other day in an assembly when I told them that every morning, straight after my run, I look in a mirror and say to myself, “I love you, Mr. Escobar.” It’s true that after exercising, several chemical reactions occur that make us feel better. Speaking to ourselves is a common practice throughout our lives. Often when we do so, the tone is harsh and punitive. The English psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott did extensive research on this and said that having a repertoire of gentle and hopeful inner voices can improve our self-esteem and well-being.
In my experience as a secondary school teacher, I have spoken to many parents who are concerned about their children’s lack of self-esteem. They often ask me what they can do to help their children feel more confident. It is worth pointing out that just as a lack of self-esteem is a common problem, an excess of it should also be a cause for concern.
Self-esteem is not innate; one is not born with more or less self-esteem. Alcántara (2001) asserts that self-esteem is acquired and generated as a result of each person’s history. It is the result of a long and ongoing sequence of actions that shape the person over the course of their life. John Bowlby, the father of attachment theory, also stated that self-esteem depends to a great extent on the quality or type of emotional attachment we have or have had with our parents.
I still remember how my grandmother used to tell me that I was the very best in everything and that I could achieve anything I wanted. Thankfully, I had my parents to counterbalance the excess of self-esteem that my grandmother insisted on instilling in me.
An example I always use to explain this is about my skill and interest in Mathematics and not so much in arts-based subjects. My grandmother told my parents that what I needed was a private Literature tutor to help me write high-quality essays in order to get the same grades I achieved in Mathematics. My parents told my grandmother that if they were to find a private tutor, it would be for Mathematics. They wanted to continue nurturing my interest in this subject. My grandmother thought my parents had gone crazy!
Today, I believe it was my parents who were absolutely right. They taught me that it wasn’t possible to achieve everything I set out to do and that I certainly was not the best in everything. They managed both my ‘failures’ in Literature and my successes in mathematics in an appropriate manner. They worked hard to ensure I had an optimum self-esteem. I am not sure if they achieved this, though!
What can we do to ensure our students have a healthy self-esteem? I have some suggestions that you may find helpful:
- Provide realistic feedback.
- Identify their small triumphs.
- Reinforce their strengths.
- Avoid making comparisons.
- Encourage them to speak to themselves in a positive manner.
Going back to Snow White, I would say that we could do with a mirror that tells us the truth, rather than one stuck on constantly declaring us the fairest in the land.
I hope you have a great weekend.
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Your sincerely.
